


When I Get Braver

by Hitsugi_Zirkus



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, Friendship, Grown Up, M/M, Time Travel, Tumblr: makoharufestival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:57:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1354864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitsugi_Zirkus/pseuds/Hitsugi_Zirkus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he opened his eyes, there was an adult sitting next to Makoto, and he called himself Haruka. He had drifted off for only a second - how had he ended up thirteen years in the future?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Get Braver

**Author's Note:**

> I actually made Haruka a tease. What the heck happened to him in those thirteen years? He enjoyed that way too much. (It must be because of little Makoto.)
> 
> This was probably the most difficult to write out of all my entries for the festival (and also the longest), probably because of this time travel business. I gave it my best shot though, so I do hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> This is a more polished version, so rejoice!

It took a lot of coaxing over the phone, but finally, Haruka agreed that after helping his grandmother clean the house, he’d go out and play with Makoto that afternoon. Makoto was fairly certain that mentioning going to the beach was a big part of it, but if he got to see his best friend, then it was fine. Where they were didn’t matter.

As the pair had gotten older, their days of having playdates got fewer. Haruka never voiced a complaint, but Makoto was definitely not satisfied with seeing Haruka only during school, when they had different classes. Sometimes he worried if he was annoying Haruka, but surely if he was, he’d be told that.

More eager than he thought, Makoto rushed out the minute he hung up the phone and ran up the stone steps to Haruka’s house. He stopped at the _torii_ , settling down right next to it.

 _I can’t wait to see Haru-chan_! he thought happily. He had put a swimsuit on under his clothes, and even had his goggles slung around his neck. It would make Haruka happy to go to the beach, but still…

Makoto’s smile waned a bit, fingering his goggles. He lifted his head up to gaze at the ocean in the distance, nothing more than a strip of blue.

 _I don’t think I’ll actually go in the water though_ … Pools were better for him. Enclosed with nothing unpredictable. Then again, that never stopped Makoto’s chest from clenching in panic when the water got higher than his stomach.

It probably annoyed Haruka, who was dragged into the swim club, whenever Makoto got out of the pool and sat down for minutes at a time during practice to calm down.  _I told Haru to join swimming with me because I thought it’d help, but… I’m so pathetic. I’m still so scared of the ocean, of water_. Makoto didn’t want Haruka to hate him though. That’s why he had to keep trying.

Blinking slowly, Makoto leaned against the _torii_ post.  _This time, I really have to try. For me, and for Haru-chan_ …

The second his head lolled down sleepily, Makoto jerked, gasping. Had he almost fallen asleep just now? Makoto shook his head, trying to get his blood flowing again.

Then he noticed the sneakers next to his feet. Those sneakers led up to a pair of long legs, a slim body, and an adult face with ocean-deep blue eyes gazing right at him. For a second, Makoto was completely convinced those eyes were Haruka’s.

“Ah…”

Those eyes crinkled just slightly at the corners as the stranger smiled a bit. “Strange place to fall asleep, Makoto.”

“S-sorry, I was just waiting for a friend and…” Makoto started, bringing his hands to his chest as if for defense. “Do I know you, sir?”

“Mm. Sort of. My name is Nanase.” The man’s face turned impassive.

“Nanase?” Same name, and same eyes. Makoto relaxed. “Are you related to Haru-chan?”

The man’s lips twitched at the corners. “You’ll never drop the ‘-chan’, will you?” he muttered, looking off to the side, making Makoto blink curiously. That was what Haruka always said to him, how weird. The man then looked back at Makoto, pointing to himself. “I _am_ Haru.”

“Huh?” Admittedly, Makoto never thought about how his friend would look as an adult, assuming he’d be there for that. Yet the man sitting next to him claimed to be Haruka. He looked completely different from the young boy in his memory, someone no string of his imagination would be able to come up with. Makoto spent most of his life knowing Haruka. He saw the baby pictures and had seen him grow up alongside him. No matter how taller he got or how much baby fat left his cheeks, there was something undoubtedly “Haruka” in his blue eyes, even as a toddler.

And yes, it was this adult's eyes that made Makoto think over the prospect of him being Haruka seriously. His eyes were full of not so much secrets, but his own world that was undoubtedly the same endless blue like ocean depths. More than the color and shape, it was what Makoto could see in them, as he’d always been able to do with Haruka. Those eyes, even if not intentionally, were open blue pages.

His voice was a whisper. “How is that right?” Makoto patted over himself frantically, then at his hands. He hadn’t changed at all, and was still wearing his same clothes. “Am I shrunk!?”

“No, I don’t think so. I was walking out and saw you here.”

“You’re Haru-cha— Haru?” As soon as he said that name, applying it to the new-but-familiar face before him, Makoto knew he was indeed speaking with his best friend. Haruka didn’t speak a lot and didn’t do things that were a hassle. This would never be a prank. And he’d never lie to Makoto.

Haruka nodded. “How old are you right now, Makoto?” he asked conversationally, but there was also curiously gleaming in his eyes. He was acting like it was the most normal thing in the world to find his best friend years younger than him. They were only supposed to be months apart!

“Th-thirteen,” Makoto said, like he had to reassure himself. Why was Haruka bigger than him? He didn’t seem confused at all by his present appearance. Did that mean Makoto was the one who was illogically younger here? How was that even possible? He took a glance around, seeing the same overgrown shrubbery. The _torii_ he leaned against though was different. More weathered, with the red paint peeling in numerous chips.  

“Am I in the future?” He immediately felt stupid for asking it, cheeks growing hot.

“I think so. There’s already a Makoto here, and he’s the same age as me - twenty-six.”

Oh no… How did this happen? If he was here, was there a "there" that he had originally come from? Would his Haruka go outside and not see him? Makoto’s breathing picked up, feeling like his feet were planted to the spot as a tide kept rolling higher up his body.

“Hey, don’t do that.” Haruka’s voice, so deep and soft, murmured beside him as their hips touched. He opened his arms a bit in offer, and Makoto wasted no time in clinging to this older version of his best friend. It’s what he always did when he was scared, and somehow, with Haruka bigger and more easily able to cover Makoto, he felt better almost instantly.

As he tried to even out his breathing against Haruka’s chest, Makoto heard him hum thoughtfully. “Thirteen, huh? Then Rin’s already left.” He pressed his legs together. “It’s been a pain to get me out, huh?”

“Out?” Makoto sniffed a bit, loosening his embrace but still gripping Haruka’s shirt. “Um, well, I’m going to the beach with Haru-chan. Um, you? From thirteen years ago? Ah…” Makoto fidgeted, feeling weird. He was acutely aware of this older Haruka’s mannerisms and how they differed from his Haruka that he knew. Adult Haruka seemed more open somehow, and wasn’t putting up any of the walls Makoto usually felt he had to climb over in order to talk with his best friend.

 _Well, of course he’s changed, but_ … Makoto flushed again, glancing up. There was also the fact that Haruka had obviously gotten more mature. He was a more muscular, and his black hair was longer than he ever remembered it being, the ends tickling down Haruka’s neck. The appropriate word to use for such a mature looking guy was of course "handsome", but all Makoto could think, now that he was getting a proper look, was "beautiful".

He pulled back quickly, gasping.  _Th-that’s so weird of me to think_! “Um… I-if this is the future, then… wh-what are you still doing in Iwatobi? Why are you still here?”

“I like it here. I can go out to the ocean when I want. Besides, trying to adapt somewhere else is a pain.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he said it, and the gleam of a golden band on his finger caught Makoto’s eye. Haruka never wore any kind of accessory, much less jewelry. It must’ve been another thing that changed. But then another thought, immediate and intrusive, caught in his mind. 

 _Even Haru-chan wouldn’t not wear that kind of ring_ … Quietly, he asked, “Haru, you’re married?”

“Un.” Haruka looked down at his hand, displaying the ring for a second. “Not legally though. Not yet.”

A hole started digging itself deeply in the pit of Makoto’s stomach. It was the first time he experienced such a feeling, something like disappointment and anguish. It shouldn’t surprise him that Haruka was married. Of course they wouldn’t be together forever. They would grow up, have their own lives… Makoto forced himself to breathe calmly. “Th-that’s wonderful!” He actually smiled as he said it. “Is your fiance pretty? You must really love her a lot!”

Haruka’s brows arched slightly. “You’re surprised.”

Makoto couldn’t deny that. “My Haru-chan is just really…” He bit his lip, not wanting to offend his best friend’s older self.

But Haruka nodded, like he understood. An unhappy smile played lightly on his lips. He cleared his throat then, diffusing the tension. “Well. Not to spoil too much, but you’re engaged right now too. Adult Makoto is, anyway.” The smile he offered this time was happier. “He’s very happy with his fiance. That’s what he never stops telling me, anyway.”

“So we’re still friends?” Maybe he should’ve asked more about his future fiance, or even more questions about himself. But no, Makoto decided to be a little more selfish, asking what first came to his mind, and what was also his main concern.

“We’re together,” Haruka said reassuringly, lazily messing up Makoto’s hair. “Nagisa and Rei moved out of Iwatobi together though. But they come back for holidays, and sometimes during the summer so we can all swim together again.”

Makoto was so happy by Haruka’s first reply that he almost missed the new detail in the rest of his explanation. “Who’s Rei?”

“Ah. Thirteen. I forgot. Pretend you didn’t hear it. But yeah, me and you? Still together. Not that you’d ever let me out of your sight.” If Makoto didn’t know any better, he’d say that the smile Haruka wore then was sly. Was he being teased? By  _Haruka_?

What changed in all those years? Makoto thought about Haruka, and how in the time he’d known him, there was only one person who had inspired any kind of change in him. They were the only person that had kindled a passionate fire in Haruka. But they were also the person to diminish it, and seemed to make Haruka even more impassive than before.

“Rin?”

As if following Makoto’s thinking - since when could Haruka do that? - he got only a, “You’ll see,” in response. Makoto decided to take it as a good thing. After all, grown up Haruka looked okay now. And they were together still, and that was what mattered most to Makoto, selfish as it was. He smiled a bit to himself.

“So, the beach. You promised I could swim, didn’t you?”

It was said so knowingly that Makoto felt like he had done something bad. Well, it  _was_  bad, wasn’t it? Didn’t that kind of thing count as manipulation? It had to be so. “I’m sorry!” he said, sinking his head down. “I shouldn’t say stuff like that, but… But it’s things like that that make Haru-chan come and be with me…” His voice got quiet, his toes curling over his sandals. What childish problems. He probably looked so stupid to this Haruka.

 _I wonder if I mess things up with my older self by saying things like this. After all, even years from now I must annoy him. How have we been together for so long still?_  It felt like all he could do now was drag Haruka along and then cower behind him when things got scary. He wished all the time he could be bigger and stronger already, and understand Haruka better. If he did, then maybe Haruka would be as happy to have Makoto with him as Makoto was to have Haruka. Did his older self accomplish that? Did he learn to give Haruka space and yet still somehow protect him and hold him as precious?

 _How can I be more like my older self already, who has still managed to keep Haru-chan close_?

“Hey… Makoto.”

Makoto blinked, realizing his eyes had been welling up. He blinked them away before peering up at Haruka in question.

“You’re still afraid of the ocean, aren’t you?”

Makoto bit the inside of his cheek, looking down. It was all the answer he could allow himself to give. Hopefully Haruka knew that. But more than admitting he had his fear, he just wanted to know if a day existed in the future when he could swim with Haruka normally. His best friend was his courage and incentive and was what made swimming so fun. But he didn't want to swim if that fear forever pressed in the back of his mind. Quietly, he asked, “Do you know if I ever stop?”

Haruka’s hand - so large now - patted on top of his head again. “I don’t know. But every time I saw you swim, I knew you were trying. Every time you took me to the beach or the pool, I knew you were trying.” His eyes clouded over a bit, expression falling. “When it came down to it, you didn’t let that fear stop you when it mattered most.”

At first Makoto thought that the last bit was generic advice. But the way it was phrased, coupled with that fallen look Makoto had never seen before, proved that Haruka was recalling a memory that Makoto hadn’t experienced yet.  _Do I do something to cause that look on his face_?

“I’m sorry.” He buried his face in Haruka’s chest again.

“You’re saying that again.” Haruka didn’t sound particularly annoyed, but it was that peeved chastising tone he got when Makoto was doing one of his “bad” habits, like hiding behind him or giving him the larger popsicle half again.

“It’s just I don’t know what I do later, but if makes Haru have that kind of face, I’m sorry.” It was hard to keep the sincerity in his voice when he didn’t know how badly he must have messed up down the line, but at the very least he hoped Haruka knew his apology was genuine. Chewing the bottom of his lip, he murmured, “I’m still a kid right now, but still… Anything other than making Haru happy is unacceptable.”

“Mn.” Haruka patted his back, but then his hand stopped, making Makoto’s skin hot under his shirt, feeling Haruka’s touch as something strangely electric. Haruka touching him like this was really new, and it was taking Makoto a minute to place how exactly he felt about it.

 _Does he do this a lot with the older me? Or is it because I’m a kid now compared to him_? Holding hands he was used to, yes, but that was almost always by Makoto’s initiation. Never something like this. Never initiated by Haruka, who was now older and giving him a thoughtful look.

“Yeah, you’re a kid. And really, you haven’t changed at all,” he said softly, almost like he wasn’t speaking to just Makoto. A far away look entered his azure eyes that reminded Makoto a lot of when Haruka gazed out at the ocean. He tilted his head a bit then offered Makoto one of his tiny smiles, ruffling his hair. “And I think you should know, it’s not something to apologize for.”

Makoto’s eyes widened. It felt odd to be receiving that kind of reassurance from Haruka. Then again, even if it wasn’t said with a smile, hadn’t Haruka tried to make him feel better so many times? The differences in between the two Harukas was striking, but what hit Makoto even harder was that, in a way, his best friend hadn’t changed at all. And there was something deeply reassuring about that.

“Haruuuu! Haru, sorry for keeping you waiting!”

Both Makoto and Haruka looked down the stone steps, where another man with broad shoulders and brown hair was running up. His legs skipped up the stairs two at a time, almost stumbling more than once. Makoto had no idea who he was. A friend of adult Haruka’s?

Haruka got up, frowning. “Stop running, you idiot,” he said under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck again. Makoto guessed by now it must be a new habit Haruka had. The way he spoke to the stranger just now though was something familiar. Low and chastising. Haruka used that tone on him a lot.

“Your friend, Haru?”

“Hm? You don’t recognize him?” Haruka inclined his head towards the stranger.

Makoto squinted, but couldn’t place him. Something along his face was familiar, but he didn’t know if it lied in the nose, the sharp jaw, the mouth, or all of them. Just like with Haruka, it was too familiar but no name was coming to Makoto’s mind. And just like with Haruka, he had a gold band around his finger. Makoto saw it as the stranger waved.

Haruka took a step down, then looked at Makoto. “Before he comes,” he pointed to the stranger, “there’s one thing I should say, while I’ve matured enough to admit it.”

Makoto tilted his head in question. The heat shot up his spine and neck as Haruka leaned over to murmur into his ear. A hot blush stung Makoto’s cheeks. He wasn’t sure if it was because of Haruka’s breath tickling his ear, or the statement that was uttered. Either way it made him squirm where he sat, staring down at his shoes, burying his face in his knees as he nodded.

He thought he heard Haruka make a soft sound of amusement. He wasn’t entirely sure because then Haruka was calling for him. Except his voice sounded higher than before.

When a hand - smaller than he thought it’d be - shook his shoulder, Makoto lifted his head. Haruka was standing in front of him. His Haruka. Normal Haruka with the shorter frame and rounder face and gazing at Makoto with chiding eyes.

“If you were going to fall asleep, you should’ve stayed at home and waited,” Haruka said, exhaling through his nose. “Or just knock at the door.”

“Ah, s-sorry, Haru-chan! I just drifted off and then… Um…” If he tried to explain what just happened, he feared Haruka calling him silly or something. Obviously it was all a dream. Just a wild dream. And yet… Makoto felt over his ear, blushing. Haruka was looking at him expectantly, but there was no way he could describe to Haruka properly what happened.

 _Maybe sometime later. But right now, I think I missed Haru-chan a lot. I really want to swim with him_. “L-let’s start walking to the beach, Haru-chan.”

Haruka perked up at that. His hand reached out for Makoto’s, almost dragging him down the stairs because Makoto was so surprised. He stared at their linked hands, wondering if he was still daydreaming. Just like with older Haruka, tiny electric sparks crawled up under his skin. It felt nice.

“Haru-chan!” he said when they were walking down the street. When his best friend glanced back at him, Makoto took Haruka’s hand in both of his. “Haru-chan, I want to swim with you lots today, okay? I’m still…a little scared… But I want to have fun with Haru, so…”

Haruka looked surprised. They had stopped walking completely at that point, Haruka’s big blue eyes blinking at Makoto in question. Makoto peered intently into them, determined to not miss a word of Haruka’s thoughts. He saw the worry gleam there, then the hesitation, before finally settling on a calm determination, as if he made a decision.

“Don’t push yourself too hard.” He squeezed Makoto’s hand tighter, and began to walk again. Makoto got the gesture loud and clear, and felt his heart swell with happiness.

“ _Okay_ ”, Haruka had just said, “ _but I’m not letting go of your hand_.”

 _Aah, what should I do? I’m really happy. If I don’t calm down, Haru’s gonna say something like ‘wipe that dumb smile off your face_ ’.

Makoto thought that, but then again, with Haruka squeezing his hand like this, he wondered if that was what Haruka really felt. It brought him back to what adult Haruka muttered into his ear, just before the stranger that actually looked a bit like the boy he saw in the mirror everyday stopped in front of them.

“ _He’s never been annoyed that you hold his hand_.”

Whether or not what happened was real, Makoto wanted to believe it. Haruka being with him now proved it.

 _If it’s really okay to be with Haruka…then I want us to be like that, so that we’ll still be together_.

 _Even when we’re grown up_.

* * *

“Huh… I could’ve sworn I saw someone with you just now, Haru-chan.” Makoto’s voice drifted off, staring at the base of the _torii_ post.

Haruka shrugged nonchalantly. Little Makoto had appeared suddenly, so it didn’t faze him that he would just as easily disappear. Haruka wasn’t one to dwell on those kinds of matters, and as long as little Makoto was okay then that was all that mattered. “I’ll tell you another time,” he said, sealing the promise with a light kiss.

Makoto reciprocated immediately, arms around Haruka’s waist as he pressed back. That same old sunny smile was playing upon his lips when they pulled back. Haruka mirrored it in his own way of quiet intensity. 

 _Hmm, Makoto’s never known at that time, huh_?

“Ready to go then, Haru-chan?”

He reached out and laced their fingers tightly together. “Mm.”

_He didn’t know that even then, his presence is what I want beside me all my life._


End file.
